back in the UK - and feeling confused

I so enjoyed my walk this morning, from Wapping where I’m staying to Old Street where I had a task to do.  As usual (I've been here for a week and out nearly every day), I was happy to go down little side streets and alleyways when there appeared to be something to see, whether a stone carving on an old church, or a modern mural.  & I got a bit lost a couple of times, partly due to the many new buildings, parks and traffic flows since I lived here, and partly just due to my fading memory of what is where.  So the walk took me a while, even though I by-passed attractions such as Petticoat Lane and Spitalfields market.  Again, as on other days when I’ve walked somewhere, I pondered over a return to live here.  I could still take holidays to see new parts of the world, including slightly longer trips during the winter months to escape the cold, but I could also enjoy all the delights of this amazing city as well as having a stable base with my ‘stuff’ around me.

Then I spent the afternoon indoors, inside the house where I’m house-sitting during the two-week holiday of a very kind lady who visited the Lodge in the Central African Republic when I was volunteering.  It’s a nice enough house, with all of the ‘comforts’ most people are used to (hot water, fully-equipped kitchen, TV, wifi, etc).  The sort of comforts I would have if I came back here to live.  I had a cup of tea, put on the radio, and answered a couple of emails.

And then asked myself “So what do I do now?”.

A question with two meanings.

Firstly, the here and now.  I was bored.  What do single, retired people do all day?  Perhaps I’m beginning to understand why my Mum spends hours every day, even though it causes her fairly severe pain, picking up leaves that have fallen onto the path outside of her house.  What is the alternative – to sit on a chair and stare into space?  I appreciate (and understand) more and more the rather non-descript old bar that I used to go to on Fridays in Dakar.  I’d usually go after my lunch, and could often end up there for hours, around a table listening to the debates on politics and current affairs by the regulars (an educated crowd of retired men - former university lecturers, journalists, etc).  I realised eventually that these guys were not just there on Fridays, like me, but every day.  & now I understand why.

Then to the second meaning of my question, also touched on in the first paragraph above, as to what I do with my life.  Do I really want to be a long-term nomad, living out of a backpack?  At least until my health deteriorates?  Or do I want to live like a ‘normal’ person, in my own home?

Cost is a big factor.  If I lived here in my flat in London, I’d have to pay council tax, and for electricity, water and internet access, in addition to the service charge that I’m already paying (this charge, at more than three times what it was five years ago, is now covered by the rent I charge to my tenants – though at some £800 a month it doesn’t leave me much afterwards to pay for my travels!).  Grocery shopping would cost a lot more here too, although admittedly I would have a more varied and interesting diet than I do buying food that I can cook in a hostel kitchen.

Equally expensive would be funding some kind of social life.  Whilst travelling I have company from the other travellers sleeping in the same dorm, cooking in the shared kitchen, and sitting in the shared lounge/garden/terrace.  If I were living here in London, I would have to go out and take part in some sort of activity in order to meet potential friends, and then (assuming I could find such friends) no doubt we would meet over a coffee, a glass of wine, a lunch or dinner – which would be nice – but all involving costs that I rarely have as a traveller.  & far more expensive, at London prices, than it was for my baobab juice and occasional glass of wine in the bar in Dakar.

I could read my way through my book collection, but in a place with other people around such as a bar or café (but thinking again of the prices of wine/coffee here!)?  Maybe take up some kind of hobby?  Several earlier goals have gone away as I’ve got older (learning to play the guitar, learning Arabic) but maybe I could still learn to draw?  Or volunteer in something that I care about … not sure what though, as I wouldn’t want to be committed to anyone else’s time frames.  I have to say though, that none of this inspires me.

So I suppose that takes me back to a life of travelling – seeing the world – at least for now.  Or perhaps I should explore co-living options in London?